Wednesday afternoon.

I still feel so angry.
And today, I'm exhausted. Don't really know why, but I hope I'm not getting sick.
I think I'm just getting fatigued with this place. I owe so much money in bullshit fines, am feeling insecure about my lack of job offers, and I feel creatively stunted. I've tried to take up so many different crafts, but I always get frustrated and give up. I need a constructive way to channel my anger and I'm having trouble finding one. I don't have enough money to go buy more crafting materials. I can only knit so many scarves. I don't have my guitars here, and I don't like playing Cody's when he's home because I'm always reminded at much more prolific and emotionally freer he is than me. I really want to write, but when I do, I feel like I say the same things over and over again: take, for instance, this blog. I always want to write about feminism, gender identity, what it means to be biracial, all that good stuff. But instead, I just drone on and on about how I don't have a job and how much I hate everything. I'm starting to sicken myself again.

I have exactly one month until I graduate.

I did some networking with DC alumni last night. It was nice, but almost everyone was accounting or business, so they really couldn't help me out. I met a wonderful gal who works at the National Archives and has a friend who is a lobbyist. Both would be fine, so I hope I hear back from her soon.

I didn't realize just how small my bank account is until this morning. As much as I hate money, I'm scared shitless that I'll be starting out on my own with so little money. Again, I have a great support system that will help me out, but I NEED INCOME. I know I have so much to offer; I'm practically crawling out of my skin. But the people on the other end of the email probably can't notice that.

I'm so tired.