Day 9: Bullet your whole day.
-Woke up, groggy and angry
-Got dressed
-Brushed my teeth, washed my face, pretended that my hair looked ok
-Drove to work
-Made coffee in the break room and practically free-based it
-Sold a bunch of shit to people
-Processed shipments
-Drove home, singing Ray Charles at the top of my lungs
-Told Cody about my totally interesting day
-Fell asleep for a minute
-Made dinner and drank a beer
-Finished packing for our trip
-Watched some of the Indians game
-Opened my blog, and turned on some Al Green
And to come:
-Pack up the car
-Drive to Orviston
-Party.
Friday, September 2, 2011
Thursday, September 1, 2011
I did it again.
I missed three days. But that last post was exhausting, so this challenge is going to have to be a lil more flexible.
The prompt is: A moment that you felt the most satisfied with your life.
This is a difficult one, because I've struggled so much with just being ok with me, let alone accepting my life and all of its imperfections. And pinning down a specific moment proves even more difficult.
But the past few months have seemed to flow together in a swirly soup of happiness. I've come to understand a portion of why my brain works the way it does, and have learned to cut myself a bit of slack. I'm ecstatic living with Cody and our kitty, and know that I have a lifetime with him to look forward to. I'm making money. I'm taking full advantage of my library card. And I've had a great summer, hiking, camping, and grilling with Cody.
I feel like there is always something that, if only I had it, my life would be perfect. Mostly this feeling is bullshit, and being able to identify that has made living a lot more enjoyable. Although applying to schools is stressful, my GRE scores weren't awesome, and I have no guarantee that I'll get into any schools, I'm trying to take things in stride and recognize it as a journey that I shouldn't take SO seriously. I need to remember to have fun!
The prompt is: A moment that you felt the most satisfied with your life.
This is a difficult one, because I've struggled so much with just being ok with me, let alone accepting my life and all of its imperfections. And pinning down a specific moment proves even more difficult.
But the past few months have seemed to flow together in a swirly soup of happiness. I've come to understand a portion of why my brain works the way it does, and have learned to cut myself a bit of slack. I'm ecstatic living with Cody and our kitty, and know that I have a lifetime with him to look forward to. I'm making money. I'm taking full advantage of my library card. And I've had a great summer, hiking, camping, and grilling with Cody.
I feel like there is always something that, if only I had it, my life would be perfect. Mostly this feeling is bullshit, and being able to identify that has made living a lot more enjoyable. Although applying to schools is stressful, my GRE scores weren't awesome, and I have no guarantee that I'll get into any schools, I'm trying to take things in stride and recognize it as a journey that I shouldn't take SO seriously. I need to remember to have fun!
Monday, August 29, 2011
So I missed an entire week.
So I guess I'll do seven of these challenges? I'll keep em short!
Day 2: Where you'd like to be in 10 years.
A Ph.D., a wife, and a mom! In a perfect world, I'd be married within a year and a half, have my doctorate in 5 years, and a mom in 10. It'll be an action-packed decade!
Day 3: Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Well, I used to be borderline straight-edge in my views towards drugs and alcohol. I'm still pretty anti-drug, in that I don't really care if other people do them, but I personally abstain. And as far as drinking, I drink probably 75% less than others my age, and I'm ok with that. I enjoy a cocktail or a night at the bar every now and then, but I'd still rather stick to the soft stuff.
Day 4: Your views on religion.
I'm intellectually ok with the notion of a god of some type. I have no sentimental feelings towards this god. I have no idea of the capacity of this god, or what it means in relation to my life, and I'm super cool with not knowing. I'm not down with organized religion, though. If people used their faith to act like their prophets, it would be ok. But it seems like more often than not, people wield their faiths like weapons to be used against those who are different.
Day 5: A time you thought about ending your life.
Well, I wrote a little ditty a few months (years?) back on this thang about the earliest time I wanted to kill myself. And from summer of 2008 to spring of 2010 I wanted to kill myself every day. Basically 2009 sucked monster balls. But a fabulous combo of meds, nice weather, a supportive boyfriend and mom, and a good therapist have lifted me from the muck!
Day 6: Write 30 interesting facts about yourself.
Holy shit. Ok. Um. I feel like I wont be satisfied unless I have 5098734987 tattoos. I have always loved my parents friends/grandparents friends more than people my own age (they're so much more interesting!). Cody is the first person to ever make me feel like I have maternal instincts. I hate the fact that I have expensive taste. If I lived in a city, I would dress like Gaga every day. I shy away from people when they want to take pictures of me, but secretly I'm a camera whore. If I didn't want to have a life, I would get an MFA in art history and an AA in interior decorating. I believe a girl can never have too many pairs of earrings or bottles of perfume. I have Reynauds Disorder; my body freaks out and thinks I'm in a life or death situation and cut off circulation to my toes and fingers at random times. I collect cameos and owls. I'm a really good singer! But I never think I'm good enough to sing for friends. I think flannel is sexy. I have an intense self-loathing that stops me from being the best person I can be. I played violin for 10 years. I have a love/hate relationship with technology. There was a good 6-10 month period where I considered the characters from 'The West Wing' to be my best friends. I am OBSESSED with Jack White; it aint healthy, babe. I swear too much. I miss working in the art field. I can easily tell you about American feminist political theory, but cannot do long division to save my life. I'm a terrible standardized test taker. When I was 13, I pledged to save myself for Rivers Cuomo. I love non-fiction! I am teaching myself needlepoint embroidery. I wish I didn't have a constant need for praise. Cody and I have a secret language. Listening to rock n roll from the 1950's reminds me of the good times I had with my Dad. People don't believe I'm half black until I dance or rap. I have terrible eyesight from reading at a very early age (often by candlelight because I'm cool). I know every word to 'Wayne's World'. THAT HAS TO BE 30, PLZ.
Day 7: Your current relationship.
I've been dating the lovely Cody Searl for 2 years now. Well, 2 years next week. He is the most wonderfulman human I have ever met and I owe so much to him. I hope to be his wife someday, and mother his children. I want to grow old with him and yell at kids to get off our lawn. End gushy, gooey rant.
Ok, hopefully I won't have to do that again. For those of you that read all of that, congratulations. You should get yourself a brownie sundae or something. Also I love you.
See you tomorrow!
Day 2: Where you'd like to be in 10 years.
A Ph.D., a wife, and a mom! In a perfect world, I'd be married within a year and a half, have my doctorate in 5 years, and a mom in 10. It'll be an action-packed decade!
Day 3: Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Well, I used to be borderline straight-edge in my views towards drugs and alcohol. I'm still pretty anti-drug, in that I don't really care if other people do them, but I personally abstain. And as far as drinking, I drink probably 75% less than others my age, and I'm ok with that. I enjoy a cocktail or a night at the bar every now and then, but I'd still rather stick to the soft stuff.
Day 4: Your views on religion.
I'm intellectually ok with the notion of a god of some type. I have no sentimental feelings towards this god. I have no idea of the capacity of this god, or what it means in relation to my life, and I'm super cool with not knowing. I'm not down with organized religion, though. If people used their faith to act like their prophets, it would be ok. But it seems like more often than not, people wield their faiths like weapons to be used against those who are different.
Day 5: A time you thought about ending your life.
Well, I wrote a little ditty a few months (years?) back on this thang about the earliest time I wanted to kill myself. And from summer of 2008 to spring of 2010 I wanted to kill myself every day. Basically 2009 sucked monster balls. But a fabulous combo of meds, nice weather, a supportive boyfriend and mom, and a good therapist have lifted me from the muck!
Day 6: Write 30 interesting facts about yourself.
Holy shit. Ok. Um. I feel like I wont be satisfied unless I have 5098734987 tattoos. I have always loved my parents friends/grandparents friends more than people my own age (they're so much more interesting!). Cody is the first person to ever make me feel like I have maternal instincts. I hate the fact that I have expensive taste. If I lived in a city, I would dress like Gaga every day. I shy away from people when they want to take pictures of me, but secretly I'm a camera whore. If I didn't want to have a life, I would get an MFA in art history and an AA in interior decorating. I believe a girl can never have too many pairs of earrings or bottles of perfume. I have Reynauds Disorder; my body freaks out and thinks I'm in a life or death situation and cut off circulation to my toes and fingers at random times. I collect cameos and owls. I'm a really good singer! But I never think I'm good enough to sing for friends. I think flannel is sexy. I have an intense self-loathing that stops me from being the best person I can be. I played violin for 10 years. I have a love/hate relationship with technology. There was a good 6-10 month period where I considered the characters from 'The West Wing' to be my best friends. I am OBSESSED with Jack White; it aint healthy, babe. I swear too much. I miss working in the art field. I can easily tell you about American feminist political theory, but cannot do long division to save my life. I'm a terrible standardized test taker. When I was 13, I pledged to save myself for Rivers Cuomo. I love non-fiction! I am teaching myself needlepoint embroidery. I wish I didn't have a constant need for praise. Cody and I have a secret language. Listening to rock n roll from the 1950's reminds me of the good times I had with my Dad. People don't believe I'm half black until I dance or rap. I have terrible eyesight from reading at a very early age (often by candlelight because I'm cool). I know every word to 'Wayne's World'. THAT HAS TO BE 30, PLZ.
Day 7: Your current relationship.
I've been dating the lovely Cody Searl for 2 years now. Well, 2 years next week. He is the most wonderful
Ok, hopefully I won't have to do that again. For those of you that read all of that, congratulations. You should get yourself a brownie sundae or something. Also I love you.
See you tomorrow!
Monday, August 22, 2011
30 Day Challenge
So, in an effort to make this blog a little more spicy, I've decided to embark on a 30 day challenge. I cannot promise that the answers to these questions will be interesting, but I hope you stick around for the ride, :)
Day 1: Your Zodiac sign and if you think it fits your personality.
I was born on May 1st, which makes me a Taurus. Being a logic minded person, I find it hard to buy into newspaper horoscopes; they're obviously so vague they could apply to anyone. But when I get books on the Zodiac signs, I'm a little freaked by how well Taurus encapsulates me.
I am stubborn, loyal to a fault, money-minded, extremely practical, in love with the arts and creature comforts, and more a thinker than a doer. I'm also slow to anger, but once my rage comes out, you'd really wish it hadn't. I can also be very possessive, which I think couples with the extreme loyalty. I'm good with my hands and love to be lazy. I also need my ego stroked more often than others...oh well! That's who I am.
Stay tuned for day 2!
Day 1: Your Zodiac sign and if you think it fits your personality.
I was born on May 1st, which makes me a Taurus. Being a logic minded person, I find it hard to buy into newspaper horoscopes; they're obviously so vague they could apply to anyone. But when I get books on the Zodiac signs, I'm a little freaked by how well Taurus encapsulates me.
I am stubborn, loyal to a fault, money-minded, extremely practical, in love with the arts and creature comforts, and more a thinker than a doer. I'm also slow to anger, but once my rage comes out, you'd really wish it hadn't. I can also be very possessive, which I think couples with the extreme loyalty. I'm good with my hands and love to be lazy. I also need my ego stroked more often than others...oh well! That's who I am.
Stay tuned for day 2!
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Shit's getting real.
GRE this week!
I'm nervous, but am trying to stay calm.
I spent this morning doing prep work for applications so that I can hit the ground running after my scores come in.
I've positively fallen in love with Ohio State, Minnesota, and Indiana. I'm trying not to get too excited, because each of those programs is extremely competitive, but it's hard not to daydream. I've been on Indiana's campus, and it's GORGEOUS. The town of Bloomington is awesome and I know I'd fit right in. Also, there is a professor there that is probs my soulmate and I would love to work with her. Hope you're listening, Dr. Jennifer Maher! Haha.
This has also reinvigorated my interest in my anthology, so I hope I can get my butt out of bed over the next few days off to get to some local college libraries and check out selections.
I'm enjoying the last vestiges of summer by lounging on our porch; I really love autumn, but I will definitely miss this porch once the weather gets cold.
Cody mentioned last night that we will be engaged within a year; yowza! I have so much to look forward to in this 2011-2012 cycle (I still think in school years.
Back to studying!
I'm nervous, but am trying to stay calm.
I spent this morning doing prep work for applications so that I can hit the ground running after my scores come in.
I've positively fallen in love with Ohio State, Minnesota, and Indiana. I'm trying not to get too excited, because each of those programs is extremely competitive, but it's hard not to daydream. I've been on Indiana's campus, and it's GORGEOUS. The town of Bloomington is awesome and I know I'd fit right in. Also, there is a professor there that is probs my soulmate and I would love to work with her. Hope you're listening, Dr. Jennifer Maher! Haha.
This has also reinvigorated my interest in my anthology, so I hope I can get my butt out of bed over the next few days off to get to some local college libraries and check out selections.
I'm enjoying the last vestiges of summer by lounging on our porch; I really love autumn, but I will definitely miss this porch once the weather gets cold.
Cody mentioned last night that we will be engaged within a year; yowza! I have so much to look forward to in this 2011-2012 cycle (I still think in school years.
Back to studying!
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Oh, hey!
I'm always so envious of other people's blogs. So you think that the cure for that would be keeping up on my own shit, but that would make sense. Which is apparently not my style.
So it's summer, the very middle of it. And for the first time in 16 years, I'm not dreading for it to come to an end. I aint got no schoolin in September. I'm still adjusting to that. No reason to buy a shiny new notepad and a fistful of colorful pens and matching folders. No new text books to crack open and explore. And no Blough-Weis library to hide away in after dinner. I just have to manage one year of this, and then if all goes as planned, I'll have school every September for the rest of my life <3 (Yes, I'm a sick, sick person).
I'm in a really, really good place now. I'm learning to cut myself some slack, accept who I am, and dwell on the good rather than the bad. I've made a lot of progress in dealing with my 'why-does-everyone-leave-me/why-am-I-not-good-enough' issues, although I do still have some dark days. But luckily, those days are dwindling into mere moments which can easily be shaken off by a good book (I'm really into Margaret Atwood as of late), a walk outside, or a solo dance party.
Small wonders really rock my socks off. Cody and I went on a nature walk two weeks ago. I spotted thousands of wild blueberry bushes, the largest accumulation of mountain laurel I'd ever seen in one place, and two butterflies mating on a leafy shrub. It blew my mind apart.
I'm trying to be more peaceful. Peace brings hope and positive thinking, which, although sounding terrible hokey, are the main ingredients I need in my life. And when I think about it, what's not to be positive about? I'm young and loved, healthy, curious, and in ten years I'll most likely be a wife, a mom, and a PhD. Fuckin' high fives all around, bro.
Maybe someday I'll write something substantive in here, other than just "I feel this" and "Here's some detailed information about my personal life, potential employers" but for now, I guess y'all with have to deal with my solipsistic attempts at pith and whimsy.
So it's summer, the very middle of it. And for the first time in 16 years, I'm not dreading for it to come to an end. I aint got no schoolin in September. I'm still adjusting to that. No reason to buy a shiny new notepad and a fistful of colorful pens and matching folders. No new text books to crack open and explore. And no Blough-Weis library to hide away in after dinner. I just have to manage one year of this, and then if all goes as planned, I'll have school every September for the rest of my life <3 (Yes, I'm a sick, sick person).
I'm in a really, really good place now. I'm learning to cut myself some slack, accept who I am, and dwell on the good rather than the bad. I've made a lot of progress in dealing with my 'why-does-everyone-leave-me/why-am-I-not-good-enough' issues, although I do still have some dark days. But luckily, those days are dwindling into mere moments which can easily be shaken off by a good book (I'm really into Margaret Atwood as of late), a walk outside, or a solo dance party.
Small wonders really rock my socks off. Cody and I went on a nature walk two weeks ago. I spotted thousands of wild blueberry bushes, the largest accumulation of mountain laurel I'd ever seen in one place, and two butterflies mating on a leafy shrub. It blew my mind apart.
I'm trying to be more peaceful. Peace brings hope and positive thinking, which, although sounding terrible hokey, are the main ingredients I need in my life. And when I think about it, what's not to be positive about? I'm young and loved, healthy, curious, and in ten years I'll most likely be a wife, a mom, and a PhD. Fuckin' high fives all around, bro.
Maybe someday I'll write something substantive in here, other than just "I feel this" and "Here's some detailed information about my personal life, potential employers" but for now, I guess y'all with have to deal with my solipsistic attempts at pith and whimsy.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)