I'm always so envious of other people's blogs. So you think that the cure for that would be keeping up on my own shit, but that would make sense. Which is apparently not my style.
So it's summer, the very middle of it. And for the first time in 16 years, I'm not dreading for it to come to an end. I aint got no schoolin in September. I'm still adjusting to that. No reason to buy a shiny new notepad and a fistful of colorful pens and matching folders. No new text books to crack open and explore. And no Blough-Weis library to hide away in after dinner. I just have to manage one year of this, and then if all goes as planned, I'll have school every September for the rest of my life <3 (Yes, I'm a sick, sick person).
I'm in a really, really good place now. I'm learning to cut myself some slack, accept who I am, and dwell on the good rather than the bad. I've made a lot of progress in dealing with my 'why-does-everyone-leave-me/why-am-I-not-good-enough' issues, although I do still have some dark days. But luckily, those days are dwindling into mere moments which can easily be shaken off by a good book (I'm really into Margaret Atwood as of late), a walk outside, or a solo dance party.
Small wonders really rock my socks off. Cody and I went on a nature walk two weeks ago. I spotted thousands of wild blueberry bushes, the largest accumulation of mountain laurel I'd ever seen in one place, and two butterflies mating on a leafy shrub. It blew my mind apart.
I'm trying to be more peaceful. Peace brings hope and positive thinking, which, although sounding terrible hokey, are the main ingredients I need in my life. And when I think about it, what's not to be positive about? I'm young and loved, healthy, curious, and in ten years I'll most likely be a wife, a mom, and a PhD. Fuckin' high fives all around, bro.
Maybe someday I'll write something substantive in here, other than just "I feel this" and "Here's some detailed information about my personal life, potential employers" but for now, I guess y'all with have to deal with my solipsistic attempts at pith and whimsy.
