My obsession with Lookbook.nu is doing a good job of fostering an eating disorder. Since my depression has settled in, I've noticed my mid-section and thighs getting...well...larger. I haven't gained any actual weight; I just look like shit. And I spend most of my down time looking at fashion blogs, Lookbook, and various tumblr sites of girls who are much prettier and more artistic than I am. And even though I love excellent fashion and gorgeous photography, this hobby has become pretty depressing.
It's made me compare myself to every other woman in the room, without even thinking. It's made me count calories and second guess every snack. How can anybody's thighs be that impossibly small? How much better would my clothes look on me if I lost two dress sizes? I see the thin, smiling, $500-shoe-wearing girls on these sites and I am convinced that they are 500x happier than I am. They're from the French Riviera. They look perfect in everything. Thousands of people around the world await their next postings; they are true It Girls. And I am jobless, directionless, and pointless.
I'm gonna go drink some coffee.
