My obsession with Lookbook.nu is doing a good job of fostering an eating disorder. Since my depression has settled in, I've noticed my mid-section and thighs getting...well...larger. I haven't gained any actual weight; I just look like shit. And I spend most of my down time looking at fashion blogs, Lookbook, and various tumblr sites of girls who are much prettier and more artistic than I am. And even though I love excellent fashion and gorgeous photography, this hobby has become pretty depressing.
It's made me compare myself to every other woman in the room, without even thinking. It's made me count calories and second guess every snack. How can anybody's thighs be that impossibly small? How much better would my clothes look on me if I lost two dress sizes? I see the thin, smiling, $500-shoe-wearing girls on these sites and I am convinced that they are 500x happier than I am. They're from the French Riviera. They look perfect in everything. Thousands of people around the world await their next postings; they are true It Girls. And I am jobless, directionless, and pointless.
I'm gonna go drink some coffee.
To my dearest, sweetest, beautiful Berks,
ReplyDeleteSNAP OUT OF IT! You are a strong, beautiful independent woman! You can also rock a pair of skinnies better then anyone I know! Even though you may not feel it, or think it, you are very skinny. The only difference between them and you is that you gots the womanly curves! Something you should be Celebrating! Don't let all those pictures fool you, chances are those girls aren't all that happy.
I know it's hard, I'll admit I struggle with self image a lot, but one thing I've learned is that you have to love yourself no matter what. My hips are so wide that even with losing a million pounds I wouldn't be able to fit in anything smaller then a size 7 pant, and yet I love my hips. It's part of what makes me who I am. Embrace your body, flaws and all, because it's what makes you who you are.
I want you know that you are far from pointless, you are an amazing friend who helped me through some of the worst times in my life, you are a strong daughter who makes you mama proud, you are the girl who's going to change the world. :)
Hi, just passing through, noticed your last name, thought I'd leave you with this: "Empowerment is the inner joy of knowing that external force isn't necessary to be at harmony with oneself." Have a great day! —ldc
ReplyDeleteYou are a fabulous woman and I think that you need to give yourself more credit on how fantastic and fabulous you really are. You're so different than anyone else because of your quirky yet fierce style and you're gorgeous hair that I am majorly jealous of.
ReplyDeleteSo, here's what I say: why don't YOU start posting pics of yourself (can you post them on Lookbook?) and see how people eat that shit up. They will. I know it.
Also, if you have a tumblr I would like to know what it is. You can follow me, too: chainedartist.tumblr.com
ReplyDeleteI didn't notice these comments until today. Y'all are too nice to me. But thanks for making me feel better :)
ReplyDeleteI feel that way too. I see people with no body fat, and I think, "Gee, they must be so happy!" I seem to think having a flat stomach will solve all my problems.
ReplyDeletePlus, my grandmother told me I need to go on a diet the other day when I was wearing a bikini (I wanted to tan my sickly white stomach as my arms and legs are tanned). WAH.