The momentum I had for this thing has slowly died. I'm a little too self-conscious for this type of thing...I need to focus on doing things for my benefit, not solely to please/impress some random person surfing the internet.
This semester has been mostly shitty. I'm not doing as well as I could in my classes, I had a huge falling-out with two people I considered to be mentors, my fellowship is disappointing, and I'm quickly falling out of love with most of my extracurriculars.
On the flip side, I'm mostly healthy (swine flu has made me a bit of a hypochondriac), Admissions just told me I'm the best Fall Open House speaker SU has ever had, I'm going to France in the Spring, my mom is healthy and happy, and I have the most wonderful boy.
I'm trying to maintain a level head and focus on the good. Which is hard, because I still love that comfort found in being sad. Well, love is a bit of a misnomer...I think it's more of a familiar warmth. I'm trying to take things as they come, and take my feelings and well-being into consideration first, which is something I usually never do. I could have a huge gaping wound in my stomach, but if I also had a paper to write, the wound would have to take a backseat. That's only slightly fucked up, right? My instinct to punish myself is finally starting to wear off, which is relieving. I think that since I'm so well-suited to being in a relationship that once that situation is taken care of, everything else kind of just falls in place. And my oh my is this one special. :)
Thats me!!!!
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